Katja couldn't believe it.

After all, standing at only 2'5" and weighing an almost grotesque 455 lbs, she didn't seem like the ideal candidate to represent the great state of Wisconsin in the Miss America pageant. Yet there she was, smile beaming from her bulbous and sweaty face, "Miss Wisconsin" written on the sash that adorned her tangerine and cerulean evening gown, facing an adoring audience who was on its feet applauding her effort.

Nobody liked her chances when the contest began, and for good reason. Her swimsuit had been constructed entirely out of secondhand potholders and electrical tape, and her mucilaginous rolls of flesh fell out of it in all the wrong places. The aforementioned evening gown was nothing if not extremely garish, and that's being quite unkind to the words "extreme" and "garish.” And not only was there the "falling out" problem to deal with, but the additional difficulties presented the fact that the dress trailed her by at least three feet in the back, and lead her by two more in the front, and she couldn't walk more than a few steps before becoming literally tripped up by it.

As for the interview? Two years ago it wouldn't have been an issue. Even last year, before her brutal combination of schizophrenia and autism (which she received thanks to the tennis incident in the uranium mines) had reached their full onset, she could have handled it. As it was though, she was completely incapable of speaking coherently for longer than a few sentences about anything, even in her native Romanian - save for the Civil Service Exam, about which she could speak for hours.

But there was nary a doubt left in any of the hearts of the onlookers, the judges, or even her fellow contestants after the talent portion of the competition. This WAS Miss Wisconsin.

Katja's thirty-five minute a capella rendition of John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band's classic hit 'On the Dark Side' put that question to bed.

Complete with emphatic audience participation on the hand-claps and a nineteen minute improvised "scat" segment, Katja's guttural baritone was the perfect compliment to that most classic tale of the demons one struggles with when facing unrequited feelings for another, and how that experience can lead to personal variations on the concept of nihilism. The award ceremony was nothing if not bittersweet, with Katja singing a duet of the traditional Miss Wisconsin theme (written in 1989 by noted local songwriter Casmir Wallace Choate, entitled "Bitchez B Frontin' On Yo Ass") with the host of the show, Michael Keld. The fatigue left from her intense 'On the Dark Side' routine rendered her unable to accompany Mr. Feldman on the harmonies, although she did look stunning in the tiara and fish tail as she flopped about the stage, grunting and whistling through her teeth.

Lost in all of the celebratory hoopla was the tall mysterious figure who had been hidden in the inky shadows througout the entire competetion, minus nine minutes in the restroom.